Why your diet should never be the reason you turn down a social invite
to you
I turned 50 last week, and this past weekend will live on as one of the most memorable events of my life.
My wife and Coach Kayla planned a family weekend getaway for nearly 20 of us at a lake house in the Adirondacks.
It was one of the coldest Memorial Day weekends I can remember, which ruled out lake activities (except perhaps an arctic plunge 🥶), but that didn’t get in the way of it being an outstanding trip.
And when I say family, I technically mean my wife’s family. (I have no living immediate biological family.)
More precisely, these are people I’ve spent the past 25 years bonding with to the point of considering them my own family … by choice.
The culmination of those 25 years is what made this past weekend so special.
I was reminded that I’m privileged to have accumulated many great experiences and memories with great people. In my opinion, that’s a key ingredient to living a good life.
Good experiences can sometimes happen by accident, but good relationships don’t.
And they don’t develop in weeks or months. They grow from years, if not decades, of making yourself available, genuinely caring, and acting accordingly.
Sometimes that happens naturally, but more often than not, it requires intention.
And honoring that intent sometimes requires compromise.
For me (and maybe you too), one such compromise is letting my food and alcohol choices bend a bit more than I’d like.
This past weekend, I didn’t need to snack on the tortilla chips that I’d never eat if they weren’t right in front of me while I was hungry. I could’ve said no to a few more of the drinks I was offered. And I probably didn’t need to stay up until 1 AM.
I did all of those things (and then some). But I’m at peace with it because it’s a small price to pay for great memories with great people I have a lot of history with.
Alternatively, I could have stayed home and maintained my healthy habits absolutely perfectly. A handful of macadamia nuts instead of a bunch of tortilla chips, zero alcohol, and two full nights of sleep … all by myself.
What a mistake that would’ve been!
Sure, turning 50 is a much bigger occasion than, say, a random meetup with friends. But any opportunity to bond with people you care about is a big occasion! It’s years of those random meetups that made my birthday weekend so special.
Coach Kayla and I, however, often see friends and even clients pushing in a different direction … wanting to pass on social opportunities to avoid derailing their diets.
Caring about what you eat (and drink) is undoubtedly important, but it shouldn’t come at the expense of social connection.
There are three things you can do to have the best of both worlds:
1. Have some restraint. Trying to be perfect isn’t realistic. But that’s not an excuse to consume anything and everything.
I recognized what was happening with the tortilla chips and shut it down shortly after. My eating wasn’t perfect, and I had a few intentional indulgences (like a piece of the peanut butter pie that Coach Kayla got for me), but I had enough restraint to avoid eating everything that got my attention.
2. Have great habits outside of social occasions. This is the consistency that ultimately determines your health and wellness (and weight loss). And it’s what gives you extra margin in case cravings take you too far.
The frequency that I have tortilla chips, peanut butter pie, or alcohol when home on an ordinary day is pretty close to zero. And because of my commitment to feeling my best and knowing the healthy food choices that keep me satisfied, it doesn’t feel restrictive or difficult.
3. Having the commitment to immediately get back on track. It’s easy to let a day or two of loosening up turn into a week … or two … or three, until it becomes your new norm and your progress really is derailed.
After a trip like this past weekend, I look forward to resuming my typical routine, knowing that it will prevent me from digging myself into a hole of fatigue, moodiness, and weight gain, not to mention pushing my predisposition to diabetes in the wrong direction.
If living a fulfilling life were a business, and building good relationships were the key to success, making a few unintended food or alcohol choices while building those relationships is simply a cost of doing business.
Like any expense, it’s just something that needs to be managed. And for most people, including me, it’s an iterative and ongoing process that you get better at over time.
Sure, it would be ideal to adhere perfectly to good habits while socializing, but for most people, that’s not realistic (or even desired). And in most cases, it’s not even necessary.
It’s OK, and perhaps even helpful, to get a little frustrated when we cave in to cravings and use it as motivation to do better next time.
But, after all, we’re human, which means we’re wired by evolution to crave food. Now that food is not only abundantly available, but also formulated and processed in a way that further fuels our appetites, the cravings that were once necessary for survival now work against us.
We’re all between a rock and a hard place in this regard. But that’s not an excuse, just a reality to respect.
Finding balance can seem like a battle. But it’s a battle worth fighting because social connection is just as important to your overall wellness as healthy habits.
With that in mind, next time you’re tempted to pass on an opportunity to bond with friends or family because you don’t want to derail your diet … cut yourself some slack, build up some restraint, and go have some fun!
To the importance of friends and family,
Dr. Vin